can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
