i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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