If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
