if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
