I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
