Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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