I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
