I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
