He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
