Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
