No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
