If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
