she was so not down for the gang bang
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
