yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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