Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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