I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
