Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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