cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We are all done wearing pants today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
