I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
