Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
