Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
