Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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