I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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