evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think people are normalizing furries
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
