Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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