i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
