They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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