walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
