they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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