Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i will never coherently bang her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
