You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
