just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize