We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
