My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Are we still banned from the library?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
