He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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