Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
