about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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