Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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