He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
