I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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