You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
