are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
