I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
