Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
