Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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