Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
