it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
