i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
