Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
