I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
