If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
