Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
