Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
