You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
