either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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