If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Someone signed my nipple.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
