And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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