So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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