I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
