I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
