I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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