I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
