My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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