I hate all girls vehemently.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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