He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wear drunk well.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
