Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
