I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
