you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
